


this will end

by Adaris



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, M/M, Memory Loss, Mourning, after tcw, also, bail: YES. LEAVE THE SHIP ALONE, leia knows mando'a, obi-wan stays with the rebellion, obi-wan: what was i gonna do... NOT steal the ship, obligatory rescuing cody from the empire fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-27
Updated: 2020-05-27
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:41:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24361516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adaris/pseuds/Adaris
Summary: After thirteen years, Ben finally has Cody back. But really, given his history, he should have known—everything he loses stays gone. No exceptions.
Relationships: CC-2224 | Cody/Obi-Wan Kenobi
Comments: 12
Kudos: 111





	this will end

**Author's Note:**

> Title from the song of the same name by the Oh Hellos.

The _Defiant_ ’s engines flare to life, and the ship makes a jump to hyperspace that leaves laser bolts roaring through empty space behind it. They’re safe, for now. The knot of tension somewhere in Ben’s stomach finally untangles, and he leaves the bridge feeling a bit lighter.

He easily traces his way to hangar A12. The _Defiant_ used to be part of the Grand Army of the Republic before the Empire had taken over and Ben had… liberated it. For the Rebellion, of course. Bail had protested that he was wasting the Rebellion’s very valuable time and resources on retrieving a single ship, which might have been true. However, where other ships were broken upon blockades, the _Defiant_ could punch through with deadly precision—and its heavy shields, heavier weapons, and fast hyperdrive were his only chance at getting to Kamino. Why wouldn’t Ben have stolen the ship? In the heart of Imperial territory, the former cloning facilities of Kamino had been turned to manufacturing stormtroopers. All intel points to Commander Cody being transferred to Kamino, to train the Empire’s new troops.

Admittedly, Cody can’t be trying very hard, since the average stormtrooper couldn’t hit a target if it was sitting in front of them wearing Cad Bane’s hat.

Maybe that’s a good sign.

Ben catches himself chewing on his lip. He’s done all he can, at this point. He should be more at ease; a proper Jedi would be more at ease.

Then again, his Jedi track record is less than sparkling.

Part of him knows he should be headed to the medbay right now, but he wants—has—to talk to Rex first, to know if he can get his hopes up.

He’s chewing on his lip again when he arrives at the hangar. Rex is leaning against the side of the shuttle, battered helmet tucked under his arm.

“How did he look, Rex?” Ben asks, trying not to crowd in on the man but unable to help himself. “Did he seem—did he recognize you?”

Rex looks at Ben, his face streaked with sweat and smoke, new scorch marks dotting his armor. “He seemed fine. Had all his limbs, at least.”

It’s an evasion, and they both know it.

“He definitely recognized me, and his aim is good as it ever was,” Rex adds, gesturing to two dark scorches on his chest, right above his heart. “Hopefully he’ll be a bit friendlier when the chip is removed.”

This is not comforting at all. Fuck. “I’m sorry that he shot at you.”

Rex raises a single eyebrow at that. “I did sign up to get shot at.”

“But not by—I just—I wish I could’ve been there to help,” he admits.

“The last thing we need is the Empire catching a Jedi who’s supposed to be very, very dead on an Imperial stronghold, lightsaber blazing, stealing Imperial property.” Rex tries for a smile.

Ben nods in agreement, not wanting to push him for more details. _How did it go otherwise? What did he say? Did he even say anything? Should I be happy? Can I be happy?_ “You have a point as always. I’m glad you made it back safely.”

“Me too.” Rex pats Ben on the shoulder with a still-armored hand. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, General, I really need to get out of all this. And find a sonic shower.”

Ben doesn’t even have a chance to protest being called ‘general’ before Rex is off. Typical. Ben shakes his head and makes his way to the _Defiant_ ’s medbay.

Built to take care of sixteen thousand soldiers, the ship so eerily empty that it almost feels abandoned. Ben’s fairly sure there aren’t enough people in the entire Rebellion to form a complete crew for a ship like the _Defiant_.

He’s not very good at sensing the remnants left in the Force by other beings; it was more Quinlan’s area of expertise. But even Ben can half-imagine what the ship had been like years ago, staffed by a full complement clones and officers, the scuffle of countless footsteps through crowded hallways. The faint impression of Ahsoka startles him. He’d forgotten that the _Defiant_ had dropped her off on Christophsis, where she’d first met him and Anakin. There are traces of her nervousness and excitement, fizzing sweet-sour in the Force like sherbet before fading away.

Ben catches himself smiling before he remembers where he’s going.

There’s only one surgery in use, and he sits down in the hallway opposite the door to wait. All his mental shields are up, not wanting to know anything about the Commander’s state before he can see for himself.

“Hi, Ben _-ba’vodu_.” Leia sits down next to him on the floor. She’s just about the same age Ahsoka was when she became Anakin’s padawan.

Rex had been adamant that she not join them, and Leia had insisted, which led to an epic clash of wills that ended with Leia coming on the mission, but staying put on the ship in what was essentially a nest of bubble wrap. Ben had been impressed that she’d gained any traction at all against Rex. Then again, how many times had Rex let Anakin and Ahsoka get away with things they shouldn’t do?

“Are you okay? You look really sad.”

That’s hardly a deviation from baseline. “I was just thinking.”

“Oh, yeah.” She considers this for a moment. “Do you want to watch holovids of loth-cats about it?”

They watch videos of cats about it. Leia is just trying to keep Ben’s thoughts occupied, and he appreciates her effort, but his problems can’t be solved by cats.

It’s easy enough to get lost in his own memories, though; he has plenty of those to wallow in. The hum of the _Defiant_ ’s mechanisms is just like on the _Negotiator_ , long since destroyed. That sound had been one background noise among many during the day, but at night, when all he could hear was the quiet huff of Cody sleeping and the turn of the ship’s engines, he could almost imagine it was the murmur of a distant ocean.

Why had he thought he deserved a life on an ocean world, with a husband who loved him? Why had he thought that was even possible?

Jedi shouldn’t want such things, anyway.

He’s mostly distracted himself thinking about all the ways he’s failed the Code when the door in front of him opens.

The person in front of him doesn’t really register, but their words do. “Ben. He’s awake.”

He lurches to his feet, and Leia grabs onto the edge of his tan robe like she wants to follow him. “No, little one, wait out here,” he says.

She looks up at him for a moment, considering the merits of arguing, and concedes with a frown. “Okay. Don’t do anything dumb.”

He pats her head and moves inside.

Cody is laying on an ordinary white bed, a small plaster above his right temple, and he doesn’t even look over when Ben enters the room.

He is empty. Ben can see it now that he’s drawn closer, the impassive expression, the way his hands are so still, resting in his lap. Ordinarily, they’d always be in motion, reaching out for—

Taking a deep breath, Ben peels away the very outer layer of his mental shields, thinking he might get a sense of exactly what’s happening, and the sheer _emptiness_ in front of him, the void where Cody used to be, howls louder than a hurricane. It’s like every place where a Jedi is missing in the Force, but this is a thousand times worse, because it’s not just another friend he didn’t allow himself to get attached to, it’s Cody, _his_ Cody, and the Force is radio static and misery and ragged ripped-from-the-chest anguish. It pulls him out into the darkness like a riptide and threatens to drag him under, never let him go.

He comes back to himself, and he’s kneeling on the floor with Leia hugging him tight. “You did everything you could, Ben- _ba’vodu_ 1. I’m... I’m really sorry. I wish it could’ve been better.”

He puts one hand on Leia’s shoulder, one of the few bright spots left in the Force; she reminds him of her father. What used to be. He wishes he could look at her and not see echoes.

“I’ll leave you two alone.” The resonant hum of her sorrow in the Force feels like a star slowly burning itself out.

“Thank you, little one” Ben tries to smile, and he can’t. He just looks at her, the reflection of her mother and father, and pats her hand.

It’s some time before he can stand up in front of Cody. How often has he pictured this moment before, through the lenses of optimism or pessimism? This hadn’t even been the worst thing he’d envisioned—a Cody who remembered everything and regretted none of it, one who stayed away from Ben on purpose, one who still saw Ben as a traitor to the fallen Republic. But maybe this is the worst thing. Better a Cody who hates him than one who feels nothing at all. Better to be hated than forgotten.

Cody’s face is worn, wrinkles around his mouth and eyes from frowning, and his perfect regulation haircut has turned just as white as Rex’s.

Ben brushes a hand over Cody’s cheek, only it isn’t Cody. It’s barely even CC-2224. “I’m sorry we didn’t get to you sooner, but you’re a hard man to get ahold of.”

“CC-2224. Commander of the 212th Imperial legion.”

“I know, I know.” Ben leans forward and presses his forehead to Cody’s. “I know.” His hands come up and brush through Cody’s hair.

“CC-2224. 212th legion.”

“It’s okay. You don’t have to say that if you don’t want to. I just wanted to say... thank you.” Ben pulls away and fusses with Cody’s shirt, the simple white kind given to patients. “I know when Sidious gave you the order, you fired that cannon at me. But just once. You’d seen me get shot down from space and survive, and yet you seemed to think that one shot from a single cannon would manage to kill me. I know... I _know_ some part of you wanted to let me go. So thank you, Cody.”

Those brown eyes he had known so well are fixed in the middle distance, hardly even seeing that he‘s there.

“It might make you happy to know that today, we’re finally the same age. I’m fifty, and so are you. Technically. Happy birthday, _cyare_ 2.”

The empty shell in front of him says nothing, and Ben finds he doesn’t have words either. He’s completely drained. Cody sits quietly next to him and doesn’t move of his own will, and as far as Ben can tell, he won’t move again.

It’s not until the ship lands on Yavin IV that he can bring himself to let Rex into the room. Ahsoka, Wolffe, and Gregor follow, and the surge of emotions in the Force threatens to overwhelm him. Before he turns away, Ahsoka gives his shoulder a squeeze, and he knows without her having to say anything how truly sorry she is.

He’s sorry too.

His feet take him away from the _Defiant_ , and he isn’t sure how it makes him feel. Everyone avoids him as he wanders through the base, not sure where he’s heading other than _somewhere else_. Anywhere else.

He keeps poking at the ragged hole where Cody used to be in the swirling rivers of the Force, glowing quicksilver energy pouring away into the darkness beneath the galaxy. All hope down the drain like so much bath water.

He closes himself off from the Force. Fucking mess.

Himself and the galaxy.

He doesn’t bolt into the jungle, because Jedi do not bolt into the forest to meditate, as it renders the whole enterprise somewhat moot.

One of the sentries on duty tries to follow him, and he waves them away. He might not be able to protect anyone else, but he can take care of himself.

Ben sits down with a huff on the first log he sees.

When he closes his eyes, he lets the peaceful buzz and chitter of the forest wash over him. How each leaf shifts as the sun whirls slowly overhead, always seeking the light. His thoughts become slow, reaching up, the nibble of ants on leaves, the brush of the distant wind through branches. He breathes out, and the sorrow spirals up into the canopy and out of sight. He breathes out, and the anger melts into the fallen leaves on the ground. He breathes out, and the love he used to feel—ah. He pulls it in close, feels its warmth like the sun shining sweetness upon the leaves of the valley, how it twines around him and holds him together. He turns the love-warmth-safety over in his mind like an oyster cherishes a grain of sand, the pain of it long since turned into a pearl, and then he lets it go. He has to let it go, even if it leaves him cold and aching when it’s gone.

It feels like only a few moments have passed when he senses another presence approaching; several, if he’s not mistaken.

“Sorry to interrupt your meditation, General Kenobi,” Rex apologizes. “It’s been a few hours, and we wanted to check in on you.”

“It’s quite alright, Rex. And really, you must call me Ben.”

The hint of a smile tugs at Rex’s mouth. “Alright, general.”

“Will you sit with me?” He opens his eyes to see the ragtag group of assembled troopers sit down on the ground in front of him, and Ben ignores their soft protests when he joins them on the forest floor.

All their faces look towards him, neither exactly alike. “I’m sorry that I couldn’t save him. _Gedet’ye ner’ent’ye_ 3.”

“Kriff,” Wolffe breathes.

Gregor looks almost troubled. “We wanted to say that _we_ were sorry.”

Ben shakes his head. “There’s nothing you could have done differently. I’d just hoped that when we finally found him, it wouldn’t have been too late.”

“Well, it’s... he’s still breathing, right? Isn’t there anything we can try? Some secret Jedi Force trick? Anything other than _let him go?_ ” Rex looks up at Obi-Wan pleadingly, and Wolffe puts one gloved hand on Rex’s arm.

“I’m sorry, there’s nothing.” He tries to think of something else to say and can only pick tiredly at the hem of one sleeve.

It’s Gregor who moves first to comfort him, then Rex and Wolffe wrap their arms around him, and Ben sinks into their embrace.

He has to keep ahold of his emotions. He has to—keep—but the swirl of the Force, corrupted to the Dark by _his own Padawan_ , pulls at him and amplifies his anger and sadness into a storm, he can’t let Ahsoka or Leia or anyone else feel it, he has to let it _go_.

Ben tucks his head against Wolffe’s chest. Someone is very carefully stroking his hair, like they’re afraid they might startle him if they show too much affection. Ben breathes out and tries to release the tangled storm of emotion into the Force, but it sticks in his lungs like tar and won’t let go.

Rex, Gregor, and even Wolffe are incredibly patient with him as he works through the emotions one by one. Lost hope, anger, confusion, helplessness, heartbreak, they all slip into the flow of the Force and float away from him, the way so many things have gone.

—

In short, the Kaminoan control chip has completely eroded Cody’s sense of self. His memories and personality, wishes and desires—everything is gone. Without the chip, he’s left with the behaviors programmed in by the Kaminoans and the Empire. Name, rank, and command. Occasionally, he knows they’re rebels, and sometimes, he tries to convince them to rejoin the Empire, but in the absence of new orders, he’s rather directionless. Whatever fire was inside him has burned itself out.

He does not live much longer. Within a month, Ben is burying one of the last pieces of his own life. It’s a loss that doesn’t hurt as much as he thinks it should, not among all the other sorrows and little heartaches. That’s almost worse, the numbness to the growing dark.

Rex, already on edge, goes into every fight like it’s his last. The hatred he has for Vader, Palpatine, and the whole Empire burn colder than a winter storm on Hoth. Sometimes it’s too much for Ben to feel, and the Force is an open wound that won’t stop bleeding.

The Rebels lose—battles, people, hope, and the years still drag on.

Vader captures his own daughter and doesn’t realize it’s her. The world of Alderaan is broken, billions dead in a flash of green light.

Ben doesn’t say goodbye when he leaves Tatooine with Luke and Han to rescue Leia. He doesn’t say goodbye when they part ways on Palpatine’s Death Star, he doesn’t say goodbye when he looks into the mirrored eyes of his friend, _Anakin, you’ll be the death of me_.

He doesn’t even say goodbye when he feels the heat of a red saber burning—and then nothing.

Only a soft grey that veils him, like a memory half remembered. Almost peaceful.

Slowly, pinpricks of light resolve through the grey, planets and people swirling into galaxies whose movement he finally understands. All things move through the universe with grace. He knows without even needing to think it that this is the cosmic Force, the realm to which all stars and shadows eventually go.

“Hello, General. Fancy meeting you here.”

And even among these faded stars, there is someone waiting for him.

“Hello, _cyare_.”

**Author's Note:**

>  **Mando'a translations**  
> [1] Uncle. Return  
> [2] Darling. Return  
> [3] Please accept my debt (the closest a Mandalorian can get to saying they're sorry). Return


End file.
